Published: 27/08/2020

A reflection of the last 10 years, a message for my younger self

What happens in 10 years.

I look at this image of myself from 2010 and see the cheerful smile, the chin and shoulder blades with no flab. I remember how I managed the set up and hauling of all my things to the Riverdays festival alone. The gardening I tackled. The standing and selling of quilt tickets for a fundraising raffle. Talking to people all day. The tours I would give in the heat, with enough stamina for just about everything. I remember the exercise I could do, sleeping on my stomach, and I remember the lack of doctors. I feel grief that so much has changed in a decade.

Then I look beyond the picture. Moving from my home of 10 years. My second job. My third job. The music lessons I taught—all just to make ends meet. I remember the drama of helping a preteen adjust to divorce. The crummy apartment. No internet. A tiny budget. Stress. The move to my townhome. No partner with whom to share this ever-changing world. My Mom’s cancer. Politics at work.

Yuck.

I felt awful about seeing this memory for a long time. Full of regret and mourning for my functionality and ability. Then I really thought about what that picture represented—where I was, how that all felt at that moment—and no. 

No. I wouldn’t go back there. I wouldn’t want to trade my farm life, my college kid, my new husband, my new job, my anything. Anything. Not to relive that transitional pile of trash and agony. I have a hot mess of a body now, thanks to EDS. Absolutely. I have extra weight, more doctors than fingers, but now…now I have happiness and contentment I’ve never felt before.

Now I can look at this image and feel gratitude for what that woman evolved into. Without her, I wouldn’t be me. And dang, this zebra is pretty great!

Virtual Support Groups

Let’s Chat

Would you like to speak to others living with EDS and HSD but can’t get to any support group meetings, events, or conferences?

Our weekly, monthly, and quarterly virtual support groups for people from all over the world are a chance to come and share your story and chat with others for support.

Related Stories

View all Stories

Sign up to The Ehlers-Danlos Society mailing list